Mahatma Gandhi ?

I don't know why, for the past few days I am acting crazy.....
Some of the forgotten thoughts came back & they are haunting me even in my dreams...
& the girl whom i awaited these years doesn't recognize me any more.
Hmm.. Its funny that how fast girls forgot & i wish i could do that ..
Still thoughts of hers make my dreams a sweet dream.
But I am afraid that some day i would become a dream if my life goes this way...
My dreams & visions to build a new world where there is only love & peace all over....
I now doubt whether these would come true or will these be dream itself.
Even if i die, my only wish is to die trying it.

The World, a whole of a lie.
Yes, Every person has his on dark sides which is often unknown to many..
Last day I read about Gandhiji, a person I respect the most, but from last few day onwards I started to doubt his divinity. I came to know that he slept with many young girls. Just to test his level of temptation as I would say. If we think in one way, there is nothing wrong in it, he just tried to prove that he can overcome his sexual thoughts. But still 99 percent from my view i see a wrong in it.If he had done that he should have the courage to say that to the outside world. Not just leave it inside that ashram. I don't know whether his followers or other who suppressed this story just to show him as a divine creature. As many of our history is been manipulated & given to us.

I know there is no point of saying these things here but still . I am a crazy person in nature.
As many of my friends say it & I do agree with them.

I had a vision to build a new world & I thought of adopting gandhijis way of peace & non violence.
When I started to study about him the first thing came up was this. Now its getting hard for me to concentrate on him. Every time I start reading some thing about him my mind start to say " STOP IT, WHY DO U WANT TO READ A MISTAKE WHICH HAVE WRITTEN TRUTH IN IT"
This question still starts to mumble in my head.

Another fact I read was that he don't like black people. I saw a video in youtube. Where a white guy comes in starts to speak a lot of shit about Gandhiji & he said this that he din like black people.I was agitated & thought of writing something in the comment. Then I waited & took a breath.I just tried to figure out the events. Then i realized that when Gandhi was in Africa. He fought for the fellow Indians true. But there were many black who were suffering a lot & why was they ignored in the eyes of human loving persons. Why, din he see them or he really hated them & ignored them. I came to know that in many parts of a book Gandhiji's hatred towards black is been proved by his own writings. Whom do we trust now. I now feel that he started all these freedom fight thing just because he was ill treated.

Well I dont hate him, but at some level I started to loose that respect that I had with in me.
Still my dreams to build a new world will not die & I still wish to achieve it through Mahatma Gandhi's way of peace & non- violence.

Thanks & Regards,
Jaknap htaras